Laugh out Louds for Moms by Robin Helene Vogel
Dedicated to mothers everywhere, readers will laugh out loud as they read familiar little poems and brief anecdotes about the pitfalls, pratfalls, joys and horror stories associated with being a mother.
Pregnancy cravings, projectile vomiting, post-birth and permanent weight gain, pediatrician's visits, despising your kid's choice of mate--all the predicaments are included to amusingly affirm to readers they're not alone in the insane asylum motherhood can so often be.
Rest assured that others are also sitting in playpens in fetal positions sucking their thumbs!
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📖 Read the first chapter!
1. INSTANT RETURN
You're diapered, powdered, gurgling, fed;
Tiredly, I whisper, "Are you ready for bed?"
I smell something foul, you smile and coo,
Then fill up your diaper with smelly poo-poo.
Here we go again--how I'd love to wake your father
When it goes in one end and comes right out the other!
2. MOTHER-IN-LAW I
I know he's your grandson, mother-in-law,
And that I've been cursed with a terrible flaw:
I've never been a mother before--
But I'll learn, like you did, and soon I'll know more!
I'll feed him, burp him, love and protect him,
If I catch a cold, I will not infect him.
Remember, you trusted your son to my care--
OK, bad example, he's plump, lost his hair.
If, in a month, the kid's balding and fat,
I'll let you take over and that will be that!
3. MOTHER-IN-LAW II
Of course you can visit (two weeks at the most),
She's thriving on breast milk (I don't mean to boast),
She's pale, much too white? Didn't you make the connection?
That's your family trait--washed-out, ashen complexion.
This poor, helpless baby once removed from your genes
Will grow up--that's my vow! Heck, at least reach her teens!
Solid food's fine now, the doctor says yes,
But how dare our physician second-guess
A woman who's been a mother since the Jurassic age,
And wrote the best baby book, first to last page?
For now hold and feed her, soothe her colic and then,
In two weeks, you'll go home--she'll be all mine again!
4. MEDICAL MIRACLE
Taking my son to the doctor
Is a task that has lost its charm,
Every time he gets a shot,
I feel it in my arm!
5. TAKE THAT, POP!
For our labor of love,
We heave, curse and cry,
Wanting to gun down our hubbies
Shouting, "You did this--DIE!"
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